I was visited by an old friend tonight. Not a very old friend, not exactly a friend either. He is the relationship monster. We have had our differences, when he used to take awful control of my life, but its been a while.He is a fun guy. As long as he doesn't live in your closet and eat your pie, which for the record is what he does, almost always.
I can imagine how most of you think I am being funny. But wait for it. Nobody sees the relationship monster when they are actually in a relationship, and it takes a lot of perspective to spot the bastard. Dealing with him is rocket science, if you don't realise what is going on. He makes his entrance when you are are all cozied up, in the warmth of your first real relationship. And then he just sits around, controlling all the crap you go through, till you finally say "Iam done!" and get married. I can not speak for every soul on this round planet, but I have been around for couple of decades, and happen to know enough people to run a sampling. So here is what I think
The relationship monster never got to you when you were single, and never really thought about it. Remember when having a girlfriend or boyfriend wasn't a big deal, when the definition of a fun night was gaming with the boys, or star wars and pizza? Its when you are a teenager, (well, this depends on geography, ethnicity, character, and a lot of things.) when your friends start meeting girls, that you finally feel the need to fall in love, find your "perfect woman" and everything. Now, love is a paradox. Highly misinterpreted, or may be misunderstood. But we all have been here. And when your first relationship starts, you open your door for the relationship monster. Of course, we all believed back in school that the girl we met in the library was the one. But that changes. You break up with her. You break up with how loud she was or with her big nose. But you never break up with the relationship. You are sad. You want to feel warm and cozy again. You start missing a thing or two about being in a relationship, like not having to go for a movie alone, or being appreciated when you get a new haircut. If you look around, just when you are in bed eating ice cream feeling this way, you will see the relationship monster smiling. Because you, are on your way to repeat what you did. Find someone else and start the ordeal all over again, because, like they say you are in love with being in love.
You are right. The rebounds. Well if it was a rebound, and you knew what you were doing, then good for you. But almost all the time, we don't realise it, until we have gone out with the rebound guy for a year or two. But then its too late. You are in quite a pickle, you will probably end up breaking his heart, and will be called a bitch by your social circle. And this is a vicious cycle. Just when you are depressed about this rebound, you find another one. God knows how many times you end up in this mess. And every time, every single time, you tell your best friend how you are so very sure he is the right guy for you, and flood your facebook profile with pictures together, get a tattoo, all of which you are gonna regret as soon as you realise what you have done. Anyway, relax. It is not your fault. It is the relationship monster.
When you see your friends break up, get back, or find a new guy, you are definitely happy for them, but you sometimes wish you could give them the red pill. But they are too happy to listen. And they are too precious to you and you don't want to be the reason for a dismay.Now let me tell you what happens when you dont step in. They get married. Yes. An honest to god creep once told me something that made my jaw drop. He said, he got married in his early twenties to this girl he was going out with. And a year later he started regretting every single bit of it. Marriage is a big responsibility everywhere. But in India especially, Your marriage is the responsibility of every cat and fly of your community. He tells me that he wants to flirt, just to make himself feel better, and urged me to cooperate, on moral grounds. I advised this gentleman to take control of his life, before telling him to leave me alone not-so-politely, but then I knew it was just my old friend having his fun.
If you tell me I don't know what it is like, well I do. I am a normal human being. We were all vulnerable when we broke up. We hate the world, we hate life, we hate ourselves. It is good to have some comfort at that point. But this is when you make your legendary break up mistakes. Like developing feelings for your best friend, or your ex's best friend (which is worse) or you commit suicide (oh my god :/) or you become a drug addict (No comments!). The million possibilities!The last two are for you to live with, (or die with) but the first two, are quite tricky. When you find your rebound, the rebound thinks he or she found their true love. You could ruin a perfect friendship, or complicate things beyond repair. So what do we do? Simple. Dont do it. Tell yourself that you are a strong person. Buy some new clothes. Go get some fresh air. Hang out with fun friends. (preferably of your same gender. For obvious reasons). Start doing things you like. Your ex shaped void is huge. I know. Repercussions of a breakup are catastrophic. I agree. But you will be surprised how things are going to fall into place very soon. You will find out, slowly that you have actually forgotten about your breakup. That you have more time for yourself these days. That noone is judging you, and that you don't need to convince someone about every decision you take. You feel liberated. You also feel better about not having to control someone. About not fighting, or fretting over somebody else's bad decisions. This is when you finally grow up and embrace life.
Getting through a break up without doing anything stupid, actually makes you mature. You build your own life, not around a person, but by your self. This doesn't mean you stay single for ever, when you start thinking clearly and living life, you will find the right person, because you won't be looking at every single person you meet as someone to give you moral support. You can make wise decisions and not stupid ones out of an emotional outburst. Doesn't that make sense? Finally getting out of the clumsy mess you started and starting fresh.
So, If you just broke up, you can consider me your best friend and take this advice. I am sweet that way. Or if you have already started another mess, fix it. Rightaway. Breakup with that rebound before things get out of hand. And if you are already married, I don't know. I cant tell you to make tragic decisions because I know it is hard. But life is long, and awfully long when you have got to live with regret. Now, this wisdom, isn't all mine. My dear friend, the relationship monster says you are welcome. I had to assure him that he can live in my closet if all of you start acting smart and he has nowhere to go. Damn it.
I can imagine how most of you think I am being funny. But wait for it. Nobody sees the relationship monster when they are actually in a relationship, and it takes a lot of perspective to spot the bastard. Dealing with him is rocket science, if you don't realise what is going on. He makes his entrance when you are are all cozied up, in the warmth of your first real relationship. And then he just sits around, controlling all the crap you go through, till you finally say "Iam done!" and get married. I can not speak for every soul on this round planet, but I have been around for couple of decades, and happen to know enough people to run a sampling. So here is what I think
The relationship monster never got to you when you were single, and never really thought about it. Remember when having a girlfriend or boyfriend wasn't a big deal, when the definition of a fun night was gaming with the boys, or star wars and pizza? Its when you are a teenager, (well, this depends on geography, ethnicity, character, and a lot of things.) when your friends start meeting girls, that you finally feel the need to fall in love, find your "perfect woman" and everything. Now, love is a paradox. Highly misinterpreted, or may be misunderstood. But we all have been here. And when your first relationship starts, you open your door for the relationship monster. Of course, we all believed back in school that the girl we met in the library was the one. But that changes. You break up with her. You break up with how loud she was or with her big nose. But you never break up with the relationship. You are sad. You want to feel warm and cozy again. You start missing a thing or two about being in a relationship, like not having to go for a movie alone, or being appreciated when you get a new haircut. If you look around, just when you are in bed eating ice cream feeling this way, you will see the relationship monster smiling. Because you, are on your way to repeat what you did. Find someone else and start the ordeal all over again, because, like they say you are in love with being in love.
You are right. The rebounds. Well if it was a rebound, and you knew what you were doing, then good for you. But almost all the time, we don't realise it, until we have gone out with the rebound guy for a year or two. But then its too late. You are in quite a pickle, you will probably end up breaking his heart, and will be called a bitch by your social circle. And this is a vicious cycle. Just when you are depressed about this rebound, you find another one. God knows how many times you end up in this mess. And every time, every single time, you tell your best friend how you are so very sure he is the right guy for you, and flood your facebook profile with pictures together, get a tattoo, all of which you are gonna regret as soon as you realise what you have done. Anyway, relax. It is not your fault. It is the relationship monster.
When you see your friends break up, get back, or find a new guy, you are definitely happy for them, but you sometimes wish you could give them the red pill. But they are too happy to listen. And they are too precious to you and you don't want to be the reason for a dismay.Now let me tell you what happens when you dont step in. They get married. Yes. An honest to god creep once told me something that made my jaw drop. He said, he got married in his early twenties to this girl he was going out with. And a year later he started regretting every single bit of it. Marriage is a big responsibility everywhere. But in India especially, Your marriage is the responsibility of every cat and fly of your community. He tells me that he wants to flirt, just to make himself feel better, and urged me to cooperate, on moral grounds. I advised this gentleman to take control of his life, before telling him to leave me alone not-so-politely, but then I knew it was just my old friend having his fun.
Getting through a break up without doing anything stupid, actually makes you mature. You build your own life, not around a person, but by your self. This doesn't mean you stay single for ever, when you start thinking clearly and living life, you will find the right person, because you won't be looking at every single person you meet as someone to give you moral support. You can make wise decisions and not stupid ones out of an emotional outburst. Doesn't that make sense? Finally getting out of the clumsy mess you started and starting fresh.
So, If you just broke up, you can consider me your best friend and take this advice. I am sweet that way. Or if you have already started another mess, fix it. Rightaway. Breakup with that rebound before things get out of hand. And if you are already married, I don't know. I cant tell you to make tragic decisions because I know it is hard. But life is long, and awfully long when you have got to live with regret. Now, this wisdom, isn't all mine. My dear friend, the relationship monster says you are welcome. I had to assure him that he can live in my closet if all of you start acting smart and he has nowhere to go. Damn it.
